I am not normal ( all I want is a little of the good life)

I don't really know what the definition  of normal is nowadays but I am sure that I don't fit it. 

I have many issues. Some of them are real, some of them are in my head.

I cannot fit in this world no matter what. It's just my way of being. I don't feel ok anywhere. Call it social anxiety, call it shyness, call it stupidity. Call it whatever you want, I am not normal. I am almost 25 years old and I still dream big and still nothing happens because I lack the social skills to get noticed anywhere. 

Luck is not on my side. I am poor, average looking and again, I am weird and I don't fit in. It's like everyone can talk to everyone except me. 

I would go to see a psychologist but I remember that a girl that was friends with someone from my high school studied to become one and she would put pictures of her bleeding wrists online. So no thanks. I don't want someone with more issues than me trying to fix me. I know that I have to do this myself. 

There are tons of scars on my soul from my childhood and from life. I am a very sensitive person. I may look and act like the alpha female, always ready to start a fight and win it but really...I just feel like a big stupid joke. I think I have the wintertime sadness. Ha ha. 

I need a change and I need it fast...